If you have been considering doing the same kind of "vow of silence" or mauna or are now practicing it, I hope these little notes dropped along the way are of some help.
I have two things with me to start with. The first is the knowledge/experience from my limited voyages (as in just getting the lay of the land). The second is a more specific sense of why in the world I want to do this.
As to the first, there are a few practicalities (a subject I did not major in in college, I assure you). From my point of view, all this Silence stuff is not just an easy-peasy jaunt. With my increasing "test flights" I already know that trying to be Silence can suddenly stray into a spoken "Thank you" or slog off into a chitchat mode with someone on the bus or with the cashier in a checkout line. Here's the stumbling block -- to really practice a life of Silence, those things are going to have to disappear. The directions are easy. Step One: Don't talk. Step Two: Repeat.
On the other hand, the days of maintaining Silence for short periods of time have included a hint of the vast possibilities and promises. For one thing, almost from the start, the annoying thoughts that chatter in my head -- what Zen loves to call "the monkey mind" -- did indeed grow silent, silent in a new kind of way.
In my world, there are the day to day quakes -- like the Houston drivers that completely disregard any concept of "right of way" when I'm crossing a busy street with the walk-lights. In Austin, my home for ages, people are a bit more attuned to the "pedestrian" to the point where it can feel like they turn off their car at a stopsign and get out to let you cross.
In Houston, no such luck. "Right of way" means, "I have a car. You're walking. I have the right of way and don't forget it!" With that, they try to see how fast and close they can zip past you when making a right turn on red -- without even tapping on their brake. I admit, it used to make me go ballistic. Thoughts and curses and a spirited "Hey!" would spring up like a Geiger counter clicking into action.
One such example stands out. At a stoplight, a car pulled up almost into the intersection I was crossing, completely taking up not one but two markings of the crosswalk. I approached the car, looking back over my shoulder to see if it was safe with the coming traffic flow to walk around the car and into the street itself. The man's car window was down and I kept walking with my wooden old cane. The driver's eyes latched onto me through the open window and he said with some anger, "What?! I should have hit you! I need the wood!"
A lesser person would have replied, "That's what your wife told me." Or one who was tired of living without tire-tracks up his body. Or one who didn't think of it answer for another block.
So, I admit, it would set my teeth on edge. I could dwell on an incident like that for blocks at a time. moaning "Life is not fair! Who are these idiots brushing away my legally justified spot in the road?"
Things began to change. With the small forays into Silence that I started doing during the day, things I was surprised at what I discovered. Little by little, those Geiger counter clickings of anger just did not tick through my brain. Again, I was flatly amazed. All this is part of an important fact to keep in mind -- if you tell your brain over and over NOT to do something because it is the wrong thing to do, you have absolutely nothing but open rebellion. Your mind, your ego, is constantly on the verge of trying to take control or defend itself. That's what it does "best" and you'll loose that arm wrestling competition again and again. Meanwhile, the real you, your true and absolute identity, remains covered over like a window covered by coats of dust and sludge.
So, how do you find that real part of yourself? Short answer: not with more words. That is an ongoing theme that makes up this entire blog.
With the increased letting go or surrendering that comes with attention to Silence (even a small effort) there comes at first a fragile peace. You immediately realize that it points in the direction of some very deep changes. In fact, with even a little attention and Silence that has happened so far, while on or off the streets I find I'm just not jumping on a angry thought and riding pff down the road.
Ok, indulge me, please. That image reminds me of another image -- the amazing Slim Pickens in the wonderful movie Dr. Strangelove. I remember him doing a bareback cowboy ride, waving his hat joyously, as he straddles a falling atomic bomb dumped from his airplane.
Now, that zone of Silent-mode isn't some kind of magic. It is also not something you have to go get. That silence is something already within you, something you have to allow to become uncovered. That is accomplished, first, by Silence, supported by other disciplines we'll talk about in Silence Is Calling, Suffice to say for now, I have come to notice that the space between thoughts just stretches out and the thoughts don't automatically pile on at the speed of light and throw a stranglehold on me. In the process, there is more time to naturally limit and discard the little waves. For me, that's becoming more of a major gift, and it makes me so very eager to get on down the road with Silence as a calling card.
